The People He Loves
by aphcarriedo
Summary: In which Lovino tries to say he hates a lot of people when he really doesn't. Warning: mentions of possible suicide. Human AU, Spamano.


So this is kinda a short drabble thing. It shows the progression of Lovino from like grade one to the end of high school. Idk. Enjoy.

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The peeple I lov, by Lovino vargas

My nam is Lovino. I am six yeers old. I lov my baybie brother, Feliciano. I lov my mama and papa. I lov my nonno. I lov my doggie and I lov my kittie. I kno they are'nt peeple but I lov them to.

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The People I Love, By Lovino Vargas

My name is Lovino. I am 11 years old. I love Feliciano, but only when he's not being annoying, which is a lot. I love my brother Marcello. He's okay when he's not screaming his head off. I loved my mama. She's gone now, but I still do. I don't love my papa. I love my nonno when he's not pampering Feliciano and telling me that I should be nicer and cuter like Feliciano. I like my cat. He's cool, and he doesn't annoy me.

I think I might love my cat more than my family.

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The People I Love—By Lovino Vargas

My name is Lovino Vargas. I am 15 years old. I don't love Feliciano. He's only 11 and he's better than me. I don't love Marcello because all he does is bother me and ask me to play with him. I'm too old for that. I still love my mama. I don't love papa because he's the one that killed mama and I'll never forgive him. I hope he dies in a hole and goes to hell. I don't love nonno. All he does is praise Feliciano and Marcello and he always seems to forget me. Is it because I saw it? Is it because I watched as my father murdered my mother and didn't do anything? I was only 8 years old, you bastard. What was I supposed to do? I can barely now think about it. Think about someone other than your precious Feli and Marcello for a change you asshole.

We got rid of the cat. I'll miss him. There's a rat in the house that I've been secretly feeding. Hopefully it doesn't have rabies because I've touched it multiple times. That wouldn't be half bad, except I hear dying of rabies is painful. What a shame. The rat is actually pretty nice when you get to know it. Sure, it's pretty ugly and will probably bite you, but it's nice all the same.

We're actually pretty similar—if only I liked myself as much as I like rat.

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The People I Don't Love—By Lovino Vargas

You already know my name, obviously. I am 16 years old. This will be a long list. I still don't love Feliciano. He literally got my girlfriend to break up with me. Fuck his talent. Fuck it all. Marcello's kinda okay. Eh, I don't really love him either, but he's got his days. I don't really remember how old he is but he's gotta be in 2nd or 3rd grade. Hell, I don't know and I don't really care. I still love my mama but at this rate, she probably doesn't love me. I don't love my jackass father, who thankfully moved the fuck out of the house. God, I hate his guts. I don't love my nonno. He won't pay for my art supplies because I won't show him any of the stuff I've drawn. It's personal, but I guess he doesn't care.

I doubt, though, that he wants to see the nightmares I still have about my mother's murder, drawn out on paper.

We killed the rat, but there's this stray cat that I've been keeping in my room. I think that I'll take him to the vet this week because I have enough money. It's a great cat—he's missing an eye but that's nothing. He's really affectionate towards me. I let Marcello see him as long as he didn't tell nonno or Feli. He promised and practically fell in love with the cat. It made me feel nice. Maybe that's why I don't hat him as much.

But there's one thing I'm sure of: I definitely do _not _love that stupid Spanish asshole and his stupid curly brown hair and smile and tan skin and muscles and his eyes—his eyes! Those stupid green things that just happen to be my favorite color. God he's so stupid! He's always happy and when he came over (only to study for the Spanish final because it's his first language, nothing else) the other day all he said about my brother was that he was cute. I mean, I still got a little angry, but once we were up in my room he told me I was cuter! I'm a 16 year-old boy, I'm not cute. God and he always talks in this stupid accent and his stupid language and sometimes a get a little lost when he talks because his voice may or may not be comforting—but that doesn't mean I like it! And he always makes food. Like when I went over to his house that one time (we were _studying, _not hanging out) he made me some Spanish food. I have to admit, it was okay. Only because it had tomatoes in it! Not because he made it. Definitely not.

God, he gives me this stupid feeling. It's probably utter annoyance. He waits for me everywhere and sits with me at lunch and passes me dumb notes in class and gets me in trouble and laughs about it later. And then he'll text me in class and he'll talk on the phone with me for hours. I mean, I could always hang up, but I've been taught better manners than that. All he talks about is stupid stuff but I still pay attention because...well, I'm not exactly sure. But I know that I stayed up listening to him until three in the morning and I'm not exactly sure if what I'm feeling is annoyance.

Ugh, what am I saying? I'm acting like a 12 year-old girl. I don't know...he's the only one that listens to me, you know? And he doesn't belittle my problems or say that I'm the one that's wrong. Whatever. He can still be annoying as hell.

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The People I Don't Love—by Lovino Vargas.

I am 17 years old. I'm not sure who I love and don't love anymore. Feliciano is in my high school now and all my 'friends' will go on about is how great my brother is and how is happiness didn't rub off on me. I hate him! I'm a senior. This is supposed to be my year and he's ruining it. He acts like he doesn't understand—which he probably doesn't since his skull is literally empty—and one by one he takes my friends from me.

Except for _him_. 

I really don't understand why Antonio hangs around me. I'm such a _horrible _person, and I don't know why he doesn't flock to my brother like everyone else. He sits at my stupid lunch table and tells his stupid jokes and laughs with his stupid laugh and ugh, he's such a good person and I'm such a bad one! I don't get it. How does he not see that there is nothing to like about me whatsoever?

I stayed the night at his house the other night. He told me that he wouldn't trade me as a friend for the world and that I was a great person. I nearly took him to get his eyes checked. It's blatantly obvious that no one would like me. I mean, he doesn't like-like me, or whatever. He's probably straight. Yeah, sure, he hasn't had a girlfriend while I've known him, but that doesn't mean anything. Although, he's kinda...weird. Like touchy-feely weird. He will literally touch me when ever he can. I've really been noticing, too, the past couple of days. Whenever we sit next to each other, it's almost like he makes sure that we're touching in some way or form. Like our elbows, or ankles, of knees, or—Wait a second. Is it normal for guys to play footsie?

Fucking _hell. _

I'm starting to think there's no way he's not gay. But...I mean I guess that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. He's about the only person that I don't hate at the moment, including myself. And...I might even..

Ah fuck.

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Things I Absolutely Hate—by Lovino Vargas

Myself. I hate myself so much. God, I am such an idiot. Why do I have to be so unlikeable? Why do I have to hate everything? Why do I have to be so terrible at everything in life?

I..I said some things to him. I said really stupid things and I may have said that he was stupid and that I didn't him around in the first place and that I hated him and _I hate myself so much right now. _I should really just kill myself. No one would care! Not my brothers, not my grandfather, not even Antonio. He probably hates me right now. He'd be glad that I was gone. Why would he really believe that I hated him? Why do I have to lie so much? God, I don't hate anybody. I really don't. I love Feliciano and I love Marcello and I love nonno and you know what?

I love Antonio.

But I hate myself so much. I wish I would die already and make it so no one would have to deal with me and all of my shit. But...if I do, I have to tell someone, right? I mean, I can't just...ugh. Never mind. I kinda just wish...I wish that he was here telling me that he didn't hate me and that I was so wrong about myself and that I really am a wonderful person with amazing qualities. I don't feel that way, but it would probably stop myself from just ending my life.

I'm an idiot. I hate myself. I'm a liar. A cheater. A scumbag that should literally stop breathing. I don't deserve dreams, or a future, or anything like that. Am I blowing this out of proportion? I don't feel like I am. Antonio was...God, he was my anchor and now there's nothing stopping me from just going.

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The People I Love—by Lovino Vargas

My name is Lovino. I am 18 years old. I love Antonio Fernandez Carriedo and I am almost _positive _that he loves me back.


End file.
